Get Lost in my Simplicity

Katie and Silvie I’ve been thinking about you guys a lot and I know you probably won’t...

Thu, 20 Oct 2011 13:03:33 -0400

Katie and Silvie I’ve been thinking about you guys a lot and I know you probably won’t see this but I figured I’d try.

I miss you guys.

I love you guys.

Wuthering Heights

Thu, 25 Nov 2010 13:23:06 -0500

Last night I fell asleep to Jim Dale reading me chapter four of The Deathly Hallows.

I thought of you.

The way you always taught me to go to books when my troubles became too overbearing. To lose myself in the adventures of the thin pages, to make the characters my best friends, to learn from them, and listen to them, and love them.

I remember you telling me I was on Team Light, I remember you explaining to me what that meant.

I remember you reading me stories that began with a snake, even though they used to scare you half to death.

I remember you making sure that I was aware that I could never, ever pwn you.

I remember when things were bad at home and I went to you as if you were my mother, my sister, my best friend, absolutely everything.

I remember when things were really bad at home and you promised to kidnap me one day, and take me somewhere safe.

I remember when I would have horrible panic attacks, and you’d be there constantly reminding me to just close my eyes and breathe.

I remember all the songs you sent me.

I remember your stories.

I remember telling you my biggest secret of the time, and I remember how you reacted. I remember how we got through it.

I remember you telling me that I was in your heart, and how that would never change.

You’re in my heart too. And you always will be.

Things have changed, and I have accepted that. But you will never leave my heart.

It’s kind of hard to forget someone who you think about every time you pick up a book, anyway.

I guess I’ve gotten too used to being the only one who can make you smile like that. It hurts...

Sun, 14 Nov 2010 21:00:00 -0500

I guess I’ve gotten too used to being the only one who can make you smile like that.

It hurts seeing someone else with that power.

516 miles isn’t that bad on the larger scale of things.

Mon, 25 Oct 2010 20:50:16 -0400

516 miles isn’t that bad on the larger scale of things.

At times like these I seriously feel like slapping you. Not even because I’m mad or anything like...

Sat, 23 Oct 2010 11:18:00 -0400

At times like these I seriously feel like slapping you. Not even because I’m mad or anything like that, but because I’m hoping it’ll make you see. See that, to me, you’re every prayer, every song, every smile, every wish upon a star, every hopeful gaze up at the sky. You’re every story I’ve ever written, every character I’ve ever created, every idea I haven’t had yet, every hope I have for tomorrow. You’re my passion, and my fire, and my dream.

Looks like 11:11 will be devoted to you again tonight.

I could stare at the stars for hours. I could get lost in their...

Wed, 20 Oct 2010 12:09:20 -0400

I could stare at the stars for hours. I could get lost in their numbers. I could run through the woods and hug every tree, jump over every knotted root, crawl under every low branch. I’ve fallen in love with nature, and it’s the love that’s never let me down. It’s the only love of mine that has never faltered, that I’ve never doubted, or been afraid of. And now in this new world of loving more, of having things that are able to physically show that they love me in return, I know I will disappoint. I can’t help you boost yourself up anymore than you can help yourself, so why do you insist on keeping me here? I’ve warned you time and time again that I am not worth sticking around for and yet you stay. I’m trying to help while there is still something left to help. Before we get in this to the point of no return, before there is no longer a chance to turn back. I only wish you would listen. The stubborn nature that this family shares has kept us together this long. But when will we know when the time is right to just let go…before it’s too late?

It’s getting to the point where even when I get the chance to talk, I don’t. I...

Tue, 19 Oct 2010 22:04:49 -0400

It’s getting to the point where even when I get the chance to talk, I don’t.

I don’t want us to be like that.

I don’t mind being a fallen angel, you know. I’ve...

Mon, 18 Oct 2010 21:52:14 -0400

I don’t mind being a fallen angel, you know. I’ve accepted it. But you see, the thing is, with people like you in my life, I truly believe that I’ll learn to fly again.

You’re holding my hand every step of the way, our fingers lacing together like long lost puzzle pieces. Maybe one day you’ll have to let me go to prove to both of us that my wings are still strong. So long as you know that thoughts of the sky would seem impossible without you guiding the way.

The spaces between my fingers

Are right where yours fit perfectly.

We’ll get lost here one day, alright?

Mon, 18 Oct 2010 17:34:00 -0400

We’ll get lost here one day, alright?

Thoughts

Mon, 18 Oct 2010 17:03:44 -0400

Do you ever wish you could make a person realize that what they’re doing is wrong? Have you ever wanted to smack a cigarette out of a loved one’s hand, or shake someone until they admit that they love you? Do you ever want to scream and yell that all you’re looking for is some sort of clue that you’re being listened to, that someone is interpreting your emotions; digesting them, thinking about them.

I want to yell at you that I care about you, you’re like my sister, and I just want to know that there’s still room in your heart for me.

And you? I want to scream at you that life already goes by too quickly, so why the hell would you try and speed up the process? Can’t you see that little people like me adore you?

Of course, we can’t forget about you. You need to stop thinking about the past and live for today because we are not guaranteed tomorrow. I’m here to help you along in anyway I can, but as you well know there’s only so much we can do for each other. Yeah, we’re stuck in this endless cycle of regret but let’s break it. These are our lives. Let’s do what we want with them.

Please.

"What do you say to taking chances? What do you say to jumping off the edge? Never knowing if..."

Sun, 17 Oct 2010 21:55:42 -0400

“What do you say to taking chances? What do you say to jumping off the edge? Never knowing if there’s solid ground below, or a hand to hold, or Hell to pay. What do you say?”

Is it possible to miss something you’ve never had? Because...

Sun, 17 Oct 2010 21:40:00 -0400

Is it possible to miss something you’ve never had? Because I know that I miss you. I miss you so much with all of my being. And yet I’ve never had you. I still don’t have you. And there’s nothing more that I can do and maybe I’m a coward for not thinking out of the box.

But just in case you ever wonder if you’re on my mind?

Yes, you are.

And the truth is...

Sun, 17 Oct 2010 21:24:01 -0400

I’m scared. More scared than I’ve been in a while. More scared than I ever imagined myself being for a long, long time. The “everything is going to be okay”s and the “you have nothing to worry about”s are barely working their magic anymore. I can only escape the beeping of these things, and the bed that’s not my own, and the smell, and the taste of the food that my mother did not cook for so long. Thoughts and daydreams of running through the woods, or running at all for that matter, can only satisfy my thirst for them for a short amount of time. Before I’m plopped right back into this sanitized Hell. My thoughts of you rescue me, but how long can that last? They say that I’m in for a lot more than I can prepare myself for, and given that information what can they expect me to do? Nothing.

So I sit and I wait and I wait and I wait and I wait until that’s all my schedule consists of: waiting waiting waiting. Have a bite of that nothing, and watch that nothing on tv. Have a conversation about nothing, but don’t forget to breathe a little bit of nothing too.

I’m tired of nothing.

I’m tired of waiting.

I’m tired of being afraid.

When will I win this battle?

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by..."

Sun, 17 Oct 2010 19:54:53 -0400

““Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.””

- Anais Nin

You can rest assured that I never expected this.

Sun, 17 Oct 2010 19:02:00 -0400

You can rest assured that I never expected this.

"Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces...."

Sun, 17 Oct 2010 17:01:28 -0400

““Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.””

Believe it.

Sun, 17 Oct 2010 16:55:25 -0400

Believe it.

I was thinking about you earlier and I realized that I miss you more than I thought I would. I miss...

Sun, 17 Oct 2010 16:39:04 -0400

I was thinking about you earlier and I realized that I miss you more than I thought I would. I miss your granting me “cool points” for playing the guitar, and I miss how awkward we both were when we sent voice clips. I miss the really late nights you spent with me while I did my homework, and I even miss the lectures you gave me when I did something bad. I miss your promises for a better future.

But with every day that passes, I try learning a new song. I try speaking more. I try doing my work so I no longer have to stay up late. I try doing things a little less recklessly.

I’m trying to build a better future.

I’ve never been the kind of person to willingly put myself...

Sun, 17 Oct 2010 15:38:48 -0400

I’ve never been the kind of person to willingly put myself out there. I like having my own world, where I’m the only inhabitant. I like having my sunsets be purple, and my birds singing my favorite songs. I like the wind constantly messing up my hair, and the rain draining me of all the stress.

Everything changes though, and it’s time for this world to slowly fade. For me to allow the real to blend with my fantasy.

Love, me

Sun, 17 Oct 2010 12:09:11 -0400

Let’s run until our legs go numb

Let’s read until the stories become our own

Let’s laugh as though it’s how we talk

Let’s dream as though they’re our only thoughts

Let’s let the wind mess up our hair

Let’s let the rain wash away our cares

Let’s yell with rage and kiss with love

Let’s not be scared of the world above

Love, me